Satisfaction

I had my first opportunity to say "no" last night. It was a struggle at first. I wasn't sure if my voice was going to work. My brain was screaming, "Say no! Say no!!" I started to feel faint and my palms were beginning to sweat. I thought my heart would thump out of my chest. I almost gave in and then I heard one simple word come out of my mouth. No. I couldn't believe my ears! That little word came out of MY mouth? Then, the minute I said it, I regretted it. I was worried about what the person might think of me. It was okay though and so I just breathed a small sigh of relief.

However, the night was not over. I was again asked the same question by another member of that family. I thought that I was going to fail this time. I politely replied, "Well, I already talked to --- about that." The person replied, "So is that a 'yes'?" Oh, no! Here I go. I'm going to end up saying yes anyway. "Actually, it's a no." Whew! I breathed another sigh of relief. I thought that would have been the end of the conversation but the person kept at it trying to get me to crack. I couldn't believe it! I almost gave in. I said, "Actually, I won't be here very much in the summer." Then the person said, "Well, maybe when you get back." I stuck to my guns and said, "No, probably not." 

When I got home last night. I was so relieved. I had actually said no! It felt so good. It was like the weight was starting to come off my shoulders. The weight that I have been carrying for so long was starting to get lighter. I felt a deep sense of satisfaction. I was so proud of myself. I will no longer feel bad for saying no when I really don't want to do something.